|
NAMO
TASSA
|
'THE
BUDDHIST HOUR'
|
|
Hillside
Radio 87.6 FM & 88.0 FM |
|
|
The Buddhist Hour Radio Broadcast for Sunday 19 August 2001
The topic of today’s
broadcast is:
We all have friends of one sort or another. Wisdom is knowing how to cultivate the right kind of friends.
“The perfect
friendship is that between good men (women) alike in their
virtue.”
Friendship comes from two persons practicing the same set of abilities. One of these abilities is the practice of friendliness. Friendliness is one of the 24 wholesome minds to be cultivated in Buddha Dhamma. The first of the building block towards the cultivation of these wholesome minds is confidence (saddha in Pali).
This practice is a pre requisite of a much higher form of emotional maturity known as caga (pali). Caga is the best and most powerful tool to cultivate togetherness sufficient that the persons meet in a future life as close friends or husband and wife who can live peacefully together for a long time.
After using the practice of friendship, persons can develop metta ( in Pali) translated as lovingkindness.
Our policy favours teaching in small groups even though the economic cost is high because the small group dynamics can more easily evolve to personal contact on a first name basis, than if we taught a crowd of thousands. Personal abilities may be stored over time and new skills taught and retained.
But a strong beginning is needed at the commencement of practice.
The sister of one of our Members is a female executive, she visited our Centre the week before last and expressed an interest in learning about how we do things around here.
The prompt to come to the Centre was that she had spoken to her sister and had read some books on Buddha Dhamma.
Six years ago this female executive moved to an important promotion in a country town. She needed new friends. She had been cultivating ten friends with few precepts for the last six years. Some of the new friends drank, some lied and some were angry. She was becoming mentally weakened by her poor choice of friends. She found she was becoming exhausted and narrow minded when stressed. She had just been placed in charge of a $3 million project and had to perform. She had tried all sorts of expensive relaxation, but none seemed to work for her.
She enjoyed the friendly company of our Members at no charge. We provided her with good information about avoiding the mental weakness that arise from poor choices in friendships.
The good information model we use explains you cannot be too lazy if you are to develop a good friendship, because friendship is a deliberate choice about helping certain others in suitable ways. Not all persons can be your friend. Some persons do not wish to be helped by you or anyone else so they cannot be your friends. They exist outside your peer group in a class of persons who are about to lose rebirth as a human. They might be born as animals.
Our Teacher taught this woman executive that at our Centre it is expected that members assemble in friendship and disperse in friendship. This is a vital part of their mental development. We showed this concept in a thousand ways in minute detail to her because she was easy to teach.
We explained that assembling in real friendship is an active choice that overcomes laziness to help those who may wish to become our friends in future. We encourage corrupt persons who refuse to attempt to do this to leave and find other organisations, less demanding than we are in this regard. We cannot tolerate the poison they bring here because it helps no one.
In time, the joyous effort of being friendly to other beings arises from actively engaging in helping them. It is this energetic application of the joyous practice of benefiting living beings that leads one to good friends.
You cannot acquire good friends by theory or money, only by actions. Through expelling laziness, all physically related things can be used to give rise to moral states. This may be as simple as offering tea or coffee or soft drinks to other Members. This act brings ten blessings. Members pay 20 cents for each drink they prepare for themselves or give to others. This does not cover the full cost to our organisation. Visitors and new Members are given a place of importance in that they are not charged for refreshments. We offer about 30,000 drinks to Members and visitors a year. It is a very important part of our culture to make persons feel comfortable.
Over time from repeating mindfully these disciplined single acts comes the knowledge of the basis of true and wise friendship conditions. They create the conditions conducive for “adosa” in Pali - meaning no hate. But we must find the Middle Way in such things. Not to hate means not to be too lazy, to be friendly and active in serving others.
Venerable Master Hsing Yun explains that we were born with hands to work, legs to walk, eyes to see, ears to listen and a mouth to speak. He teaches us that when we do not use what we are born with, we become useless. If we become lazy, we will lead disjoint lives.
An amusing story is told by Venerable Master Hsing Yun about a lazy couple who had a dog.
Once there was a very lazy family whose parents would not do any housework. They asked the children to do [the work]. The children refused to and made the dog do the work. The poor dog had no choice, so it swept the floor with its tail, wiped the furniture with its body, and watered the plants holding the hose in its mouth. One day, a visitor came to the house and was surprised to find the dog doing all the chores. “Oh! The little dog is so capable, it can do housework!” The dog replied, “I had no choice, they are lazy and made me do [it]!” The visitor was shocked and exclaimed, “The dog can talk!” The dog quickly responded, “Shhh! Don't let them know that I can talk, or else they’ll make me answer the phone too!”
It is evident that the dog lacked friendship in its family setting. The dog’s good actions were a chore. How many of your friends are like the dog?
To increase the practice of our friendliness we must reduce or overcome being lazy. For example, do you know that some persons have great thirst? If you offer someone a cup of tea do you offer them a second or a third cup of tea? In a busy life, we find at our Centre it is not uncommon for a person to arrive somewhat dehydrated. They are too busy at work to keep up their fluid balance. In the long term, this causes them to be unwell. We often act in friendship to re-hydrate busy persons who come to visit us. They are easier to teach if we make them comfortable. We believe that attending to physical comfort wants is vital before we counsel persons.
Buddhist texts, such as the Dhammapada, explain to us the beneficial outcomes which arise from the cultivation of friendliness.
Venerable Doctor K. Sri Dhammananda Nayaka Maha Thera has written a commentary of his translation of the Dhammapada primarily for the benefit of modern readers who have not had the opportunity to read the original Pali version. His commentary entitled The Dhammapada contains stories, beautiful illustrations and comprehensive introduction which elucidates the wide scope and meaning of the 423 verses of the Dhammapada.
The Venerable Maha Thera notes:
“The reading, understanding and appreciation of the Dhammapada in its classical form generally presents no difficulties to traditional Buddhists who are familiar with the cultural milieu in which it was composed. However, modern readers, especially those who come from non-Asian religious backgrounds, may be skeptical and wonder whether the stories which relate the circumstances under which they were uttered represent the actual historical occurrences or whether they are merely fanciful folktales imagined by their authors.
They would find some of the stories trivial, repetitious, and even far fetched. It is true that these stories are not completely free from mythology, legend and exaggeration.
Possibly the best attitude to adopt is to keep an open mind and concern oneself more with the moral of the story and the point that is being illustrated.”
Over 200 English translations have been made of this most popular Canon over the last century. The Dhammapada (The path of Dhamma).
There are 423 verses in the Dhammapada. (in Pali language). One translation of Verse 291 reads :
He who seeks his own
happiness by inflicting pain on others,
We would gloss this translation to read “he” as “he” or “she”, since Buddha Dhamma is not sexist.
The story which accompanies this translation of verse 291 is a striking example of making the point about how a real endless chain of sad effects can follow unfriendly acts.
The story runs:
“Once there lived a woman in a village near Savatthi. She kept a hen and every time it laid an egg, the woman would break it up. The hen was very angry and as a result, she was reborn as a cat and the woman was reborn a hen in the same house. The cat ate up the eggs of the hen.
In their next existence, the hen became a leopard and the cat became a deer. The leopard ate up the deer as well as its offspring. Thus their feud continued for several existences.
At the time of the Buddha, one of them was born as a woman and the other as an ogress.
On one occasion, the woman was returning from the house of her parents to her own house near Savatthi. Her husband and her young son were also with her. While they were resting near the pond by the roadside, her husband went to bathe in the pond.
At that moment, the woman saw the ogress who appeared in human form and she recognised her as her old enemy. Taking her child, she fled from the spirit straight to the monastery where the Buddha was expounding the Dhamma and put her child at his feet. The ogress who was in hot pursuit of the woman was prevented from entering the monastery.
Summoning the ogress to his presence, the Buddha admonished both of them for their long and bitter feud, ‘If you two had not come to me today, your enmity would have continued endlessly. Enmity cannot be appeased by enmity; it can only be appeased by loving kindness.’
Reflecting on the admonition, both realised the futility of their hatred, both admitted their mistakes and resolved not to continue with their senseless feud.”
We teach Members how to break the endless chain of family feuds they set up in past lives between their present family relations.
Often we tend to choose selected Members of our biological family to be true friends. This may or may not be successful. Why do we like some of our family Members more than others ? This is kamma from past lives - how we treated them then may be repeated in this life. If we treated them badly in the past, we might not be surprised they dislike us now.
At our Centre we practice to override our kammic impulses of like and dislike towards our inlaws and others.
Members seek to cultivate family actions that are friendly and we think most Members might be expected to be a good friend to at least some non-family Members who are Members. This shows up on team projects.
Our Members are instructed to establish themselves in mindfulness with the thought "Let goodly co-mates in the righteous life come here in the future, and let those that have already come live happily". This teaching is in accordance with the seven conditions of communal stability explained to Venerable Ananda by Buddha at Digha-Nikaya.
The wording is expressed in quaint language of “co-mates” because the translation was done about 80 years ago but to us, it has a deep field of meaning.
As we explained to the woman executive, between many glasses of warm water we offered her, how her so-called friends did not consider her feelings. She recalled they slandered her often, and belittled her frequently. She has closed off in warmth and become defensive of her work skills. Was this behavior a sign of jealousy of her good job and high income? It is not necessary to speculate why persons behave like this.
Within a few hours of hearing such talk, she could discern for herself intelligent differences in what passes for true and false friendship. Since then, she has stopped visiting one of these false friends. She feels much better. Because the geography of where she works in a country town separated her from the friendship of her natural family and the friendship of her sister, she saw she had acted in an unwise manner in picking false friends unwisely.
When she visited us this week she was much less confused about the choosing of friends and was happy with the friendship of her sister. She has advised that she will visit us once a month to learn more about friendship. She will drive down from the country and stay overnight with her practicing friend, her sister.
But we may not be fortunate enough to have a friend in Dhamma.
Abandoning false friendship is not an end in itself in Buddha Dhamma but a stepping stone means towards better accomplishment of a clear mind.
To attain a clear mind, many of our regular actions must be changed in the correct order.
Firstly, we must decide we deserve to practice for our happiness. We choose to fix ourselves up by behavior change. Secondly, we decide it is mental weakness to decline to move away from enemies who masquerade as friends.
For example, persons who drink alcohol or use non-medical drugs ought never to be cultivated as true friends. We cannot support those who want us to admire their vices. If we reinforce their erroneous views we do not help them towards a sober life.
We are under their harmful influence. If we think we are too weak to control our minds, it is better we avoid such persons completely. We cut them off. It is mental weakness to give in to the familiar. It is perhaps a bit too dramatic to say our false friends feed on our blood (lifeforce) like vampires but this expression does focus on their potential harm to our well being .
Blind loyalty to a corrupt companion as seen in some marriages is a form of martyrdom that has no place in Buddha Dhamma. The divorce rate appears to represent a social trend operating relatively independently of the state of the law and does not appear to have changed much in a century although the recorded figures may have.
When we cease to associate with our false friends who lack precepts we are turning towards the Middle Path and we trust we will meet more Noble persons in the future. This is a fact that happens when we change our culture.
If we stay in the delusion that low friends are a blessing to us, we are operating on a system that is contrary to the essence of Buddha Dhamma.
We cannot blend parts of incompatible systems with success.
Merging techniques grounded in incompatible conceptual frameworks is fraught with risk.
Although such merges may appease a predilection for experimentation or eclecticism, it seems likely that their long term effect will be to create a certain “cognitive dissonance” that will reverberate through the deeper levels of the psyche and stir up even greater confusion.
After dropping one “vampire’ friend, the executive woman felt more focused, less confused and more vital. She looked forward to dropping her next false friend. She has become stronger. She is about to undertake short term high level executive training in the United States of America for her job enrichment. It gives her a good excuse to drop the ten negative persons in her country town.
Karmically, we are driven to like or dislike persons. However, it is incompatible with Buddha Dhamma to have love for the wicked. Such relationships are the cause of dissonance, or mental instability in the short term and sorrow in the medium term.
Friendship is not an end in itself in Buddha Dhamma. In the end, we might be said to transcend friendship. It is a means to accomplishing a clear mind. But, for the present, if the friendship means are flawed, the friendship end will not be attained by us.
The properties of a sound friend are clearly defined in the Buddhist Canon and well known. Such friends in Dhamma help our practice and advise us to the right path.
Persons who in a supposed friendship cannot control their anger lose all the benefits of making merit. We must avoid them till we are mature.
May our listeners arrive at the position where they cease associating with persons who do not keep five precepts. May they associate with beings who keep five or more precepts and have wisdom to share.
May you live a happy and contented life with goodly co-mates now and in the future.
This script was written and edited by John D. Hughes, Pam Adkins, Frank Carter, Leanne Eames, Evelin Halls, Jocelyn Hughes, Lisa Nelson, Julie O’Donnell, Anita Svensson, Pennie White.
Disclaimer:
As we, the Buddhist Discussion Centre (Upwey) Ltd., do not control the actions of our service providers from time to time, make no warranty as to the continuous operation of our website(s). Also, we make no assertion as to the veracity of any of the information included in any of the links with our websites, or an other source accessed through our website(s).
Accordingly, we accept no liability to any user or subsequent third party, either expressed or implied, whether or not caused by error or omission on either our part, or a member, employee or other person associated with the Buddhist Discussion Centre (Upwey) Ltd.
References
Bhikkhu Bodhi, “Dhamma and Non-Duality”, in Suhrullekha, published by Ananda Buddha Vihara Trust, July-Sept. 2001, pp 10-14
Dhammananda, Sri, (1988) The Dhammapada, Malaysia; published by Sasana Abhiwurdhi Wardhana Society.
Hughes, John D., (1999), Buddha Dhamma in Australia, page 21, ISYS search of LAN.
Hsing Yun, Ven. Master, The Harm of Laziness ”, in Suhrullekha, published by Ananda Buddha Vihara Trust, July-Sept. 2001, pp 15
Loden, Geshe Acharya Thubten, (1996), Meditations on the Path to Enlightenment, Melbourne, published by Tushita Publications.
For more information, contact the Centre or better still, come and visit us. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
This Radio Script is for Free Distribution. It
contains Buddha Dhamma material and is provided for the purpose of
research and study. © Copyright. The Buddhist Discussion Centre (Upwey) Ltd. |