Buddhist Hour
Radio Broadcast 240 for Sunday 8 September 2002
on Hillside Radio
88.0 FM
Connecting with Warm-Hearted Friends
Glossary
appropriate: take possession of;
take to oneself; devote to special purposes.
companion: one
who accompanies another; associate; consort with.
connected:
join; make coherent; have practical relations with; associate
mentally with; unite with others in relationships,
etc.
heedlessness: inattention; carelessness; thoughtlessness,
negligence.
infatuation: the fact or state of being
infatuated; unreasoning passion or attraction.
guise:
customary behaviour, manner, or carriage; outward aspect; semblance;
a false or deceiving appearance; pretense; as under the guise of
friendship he betrayed us.
foe: an enemy; one who maintains
personal enmity, hatred, anger, grudge, or malice against another;
one who opposes anything in principle; an ill-wisher; an opponent;
one who or that which harms or restricts.
friend: one joined
to another in intimacy and mutual benevolence independently of sexual
or family love; person who acts for one; sympathiser; helper;
patron.
friendly: acting, disposed to act; as friend;
characteristic of friends; expressing, showing or prompted by
kindness; favourably disposed, ready to approve or help; serviceable,
convenient, opportune; not hostile, on amicable terms.
profession:
a professing, or declaring; avowel, whether true or
pretended.
vinaya: Pali term that can be translated as code of
discipline;
warm: (of friendly relations or actions or agents)
enthusiastic, hearty, zealous.
warm-hearted: (of feelings)
sympathetic, emotional, affectionate, susceptible esp. to amorous
impressions.
The topic of today's broadcast is: Connecting with
Warm-hearted Friends
Many Buddha Dhamma texts explain the means of
connecting with warm-hearted friends.
The famous text, the
Mangala Sutta, explains the thirty-eight highest blessings in the
most elegant verse, rightly starting with 'the avoidance of bad
company'.
"Not to associate with fools, but to associate
with the wise; and honour those who are worthy of honour. This is the
highest blessing."
Narada Thera wrote: "To follow
the ideals set forth in these verses is the sure way to harmony and
progress for the individual as well as for society, nation and
humankind."
To become a warm-hearted friend we need to be
truly present in the company of our companions.
Friendliness
is one of the ‘Five Styles’ practised by our Members. These
‘Five Styles’ are: friendliness, practicality,
professionalism, scholarship and cultural adaptability.
In a
letter to our Centre Members from the Venerable Tan Achaan
Boonyarith, a Thai Monk of the Forest Order, he noted that the
Highest Friendship is developed only when people have completed or
near-completed reciprocal "understanding" between each
other. That only when no secret is left behind, and totally seeing
through the nature of things or the reality of the state or
situation, can true friendship be realised. In Pali we call this type
of friendship "kalyanamitta".
Buddha Dhamma
Teachers are true kalyanamitta friends.
Our Resident
Practitioners Anita and John D. Hughes are our true kalyanamitta
friends.
Anita and John Hughes will marry tomorrow, 9
September 2002. We wish them long life and happiness in their
marriage.
This highest friendship can only happen in Dhamma,
as opposed to friendship based on kamma, causes and effects from past
times.
The Venerable Tan Achaan Boonyarith noted that the
highest friendship is accompanied by true happiness. The truth never
changes - what appears to be changing is the interpretation which
ignorant people attribute to their worldly situations.
Unfortunately, there does not exist much true friendship in
the world. It is highly valued by human beings, and even by animals
and ghost spirits.
To have no sense of friendship among
persons is already very bad, but sadder still is when one cannot have
it with "oneself".
In his keynote speech at the
Australasian Buddhist Convention held in Melbourne, Australia, in
June this year, eminent Buddhist scholar Dr. Ananda Guruge said, "...
the Buddha said, a well trained-mind is your best friend, an ill-
trained mind is your worst enemy, and none of us want our minds to be
our enemy."
"Dr. Ananda Guruge also said, "If
you are mindful, if you are conscious of everything you do, from the
very simple things such as how you react to people you meet, how you
choose the words by which you address a situation, the way you would
like to criticise a person, then the criticism is necessary. If you
are mindful, you will be very careful, you will be tactful, you will
be doing exactly the kinds of things you would like others to do to
you. This is 'mindfulness in action'".
The Sanskrit word
for mindfulness, smriti, means "remember".
In The
Heart of the Buddha's Teaching, the great Bodhisattva Monk Thich Nhat
Hanh explains that mindfulness is remembering to come back to the
present moment.
The Chinese character for mindfulness has two
parts one meaning "now" and the other meaning "mind"
or “heart".
In the words of Thich Nhat Hanh:
"Mindfulness is to nourish the object of your
attention.
When was the last time you looked into the eyes of
your beloved and asked, "Who are you, my darling?"
Don't
be satisfied by a superficial answer.
Ask again: "Who
are you who has taken my suffering as your suffering, my happiness as
your happiness, my life and death as your life and death? My love,
why aren't you a dewdrop, a butterfly, a bird?"
Ask with
your whole being. If you do not give right attention to the one you
love, it is a kind of killing.
When you are in the car
together, if you are lost in your thoughts, assuming you already know
everything about her, she will slowly die. But with mindfulness, your
attention will water the wilting flower.
"I know you are
here, beside me, and it makes me very happy."
With
attention, you will be able to discover many new and wonderful
things: her joys, her hidden talents, her deepest aspirations. If you
do not practice appropriate attention, how can you say you love
her?"
The nature of existence is impermanent--friends can
become enemies and enemies can become friends.
How can you
become a warm-hearted friend?
Love and goodwill can be
developed between persons where the comprehensive principles of the
Siglovada Sutta are practiced.
The Sigalovada Sutta is known
as the layperson's code of discipline or the vinaya of the
housholder.
The Buddha's Teaching on the characteristics of a
foe in the guise of a friend and the qualities of a warm-hearted
friend is expounded with clarity and in great detail in the
Sigalovada Sutta. The following is a excerpt from Narada Thera's
translation of the Sigolavada Sutta.
"These four, young
householder, should be understood as foes in the guise of
friends:
(1) he who appropriates a friend's possessions,
(2)
he who renders lip-service,
(3) he who flatters,
(4) he who
brings ruin.
(1) In four ways, young householder, should one
who appropriates be understood as a foe in the guise of a friend: he
appropriates his friend's wealth; he gives little and asks much; he
does his duty out of fear; he associates for his own advantage.
(2)
In four ways, young householder, should one who renders lip-service
be understood as foe in the guise of a friend: he makes friendly
profession as regards the past; he makes friendly profession as
regards the future; he tries to gain one's favour by empty words;
when opportunity for service has arisen, he expresses his
inability.
(3) In four ways, young householder, should one who
flatters be understood as foe in the guise of a friend: he approves
of his friend's evil deeds; he disapproves his friend's good deeds;
he praises him in his presence; he speaks ill of him in his
absence.
(4) In four ways, young householder, should one who
brings ruin be understood as foe in the guise of a friend: he is a
companion in indulging in intoxicants that cause infatuation and
heedlessness; he is a companion in sauntering the streets at unseemly
hours; he is a companion in frequenting theatrical shows; he is a
companion in indulging in gambling which causes heedlessness.
Thus
spoke Buddha, the Exalted One. And when the Master had thus spoken he
spoke yet again:
"The friend who appropriates,
the
friend who renders lip-service,
the friend that flatters,
these
four as enemies the wise behold,
avoid them from afar as paths of
peril.
These four, young householder, should be understood as
warm-hearted friends:
(1) he who is a helpmate,
(2) he who
is the same in happiness and sorrow,
(3) he who gives good
counsel,
(4) he who sympathises.
(1) In four ways, young
householder, should a helpmate be understood as a warm-hearted
friend: he guards the heedless; he protects the wealth of the
heedless; he becomes a refuge when one is in danger; when there are
commitments he provides one with double the supply needed.
(2)
In four ways, young householder, should one who is the same in
happiness and sorrow be understood as a warm-hearted friend: he
reveals his secrets; he conceals one's own secrets; in misfortune he
does not forsake one; his life even he sacrifices for one's
sake.
(3) In four ways, young householder, should one who
gives good counsel be understood as a warm-hearted friend: he
restrains one from doing evil; he encourages one to do good; he
informs one of what is unknown to oneself; he points out the path to
heaven.
(4) In four ways, young householder, should one who
sympathises be understood as a warm-hearted friend: he does not
rejoice in one's misfortune; he rejoices in one's prosperity; he
restrains others speaking ill of oneself; he praises those who speak
well of oneself."
Thus spoke the Buddha, the Exalted
One. And when the Master had thus spoken, he spoke yet again:
"The
friend who is a helpmate,
the friend in happiness and woe,
the
friend who gives good counsel,
the friend who sympathises
too-
these four as friends the wise behold
and cherish them
devotedly,
as does a mother her own child.
The wise and
virtuous shine like blazing fire.
He who acquires his wealth in
harmless ways
like to a bee that honey gathers,
riches mount up
for him
like an anthill's rapid growth.
With wealth
acquired this way,
a layman fit for household life,
in portions
four divides his wealth:
thus will he friendship win.
One
portion for his wants he uses,
two portions on his business
spends,
the fourth for times of need he keeps."
The
Vyagghapajja Sutta also contains guidelines for connecting with
warm-hearted friends:
"What is good friendship?
"Herein,
Vyagghapajja, in whatsoever village or market town a householder
dwells, he associates, converses, engages in discussions with
householders' sons, whether young and highly cultured or old and
highly cultured, full of faith (saddha), full of virtue (sila), full
of charity (caga), full of wisdom (panna). He acts in accordance with
the faith of the faithful, with the virtue of the virtuous and, with
charity of the charitable, with the wisdom of the wise. This is
called good friendship."
Based on the advice of the
Buddha, at our Centre we practice meeting in harmony, conducting our
activities in harmony and dispersing in harmony. We say "Let the
goodly co-mates in the righteous life come here and let those who
have already come live happily".
May you, and we,
associate with the wise.
May you, and we, be truly present in
the company of warm-hearted friends.
May you, and we, connect
with warm-hearted friends this life.
May you, and we, be well
and happy.
We dedicate the merits of the production of this
script to our warm-hearted Resident Practitioners, Anita and John D.
Hughes.
This script was written and edited by John D. Hughes,
Leanne Eames and Pennie White.
References
Buddhist
Discussion Centre (Upwey) Ltd. (2001) The importance of cultivating
'true and wise friends', Buddhist Hour broadcast script, 1 April
2001, available at URL accessed on 6 September 2002.
Guruge,
Dr. W. P. Ananda (2002) Keynote Address: "Contemporary
Challenges and the Pathway to a Peaceful Mind",The Australasian
Buddhist Convention "Buddhism: Pathway to a Peaceful Mind",
22 June 2002 to 23 June 2003, Melbourne, Victoria Australia.
Narada
Thera (2000) The Buddha Speaks to the Positive man in the World,
originally published by the Buddhist Publication Society, The Whell
publication No. 14, Karunaratne & Sons Ltd.
Oxford (1964)
The Concise Oxford Dictionary, Oxford University Press, Oxford, Great
Britain.
Thich Nhat Hanh (1998) The Heart of the Buddha's
Teaching, Broadway Books, New York.
Webster, Noah (1960)
Webster's New Twentieth Century Dictionary of the English Language
Unabridged, Jean McKechnie (chief ed.) Second Edition, The World
Publishing Company, Cleveland and New York.
Our Web
Sites:
www.bdcu.org.au
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www.companyontheweb.com/buddhatext
www.companyontheweb.com/buddhamap
www.bddronline.net.au
www.bsbonline.com.au
www.buyresolved.com.au
Document
Statistics
Counts
Words: 2102
Sentences: 92
Paragraphs:
120
Syllables: 2335
Averages
Words per sentence:
22.8
Sentences per paragraph: 0.8
Percentages
Passive
Sentences: 12%
Readability Statistics
Flesch Grade Level:
9.0
Coleman-Liau Grade Level: 23.5
Bormuth Grade Level:
10.8
Flesch Reading Ease Score: 60.1
Flesch Kincaid Score:
7.4
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Flesch Reading Ease Score Flesch
Grade Level Reading Difficulty
90-100 5th Grade Very easy
80-89
6th Grade Easy
70-79 7th Grade Fairly easy
60-69 8th-9th Grade
Standard
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